


Cum What May

by nihonlove



Series: Aliens & Kinks [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Biology, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Insecure Keith (Voltron), Kinda, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Season/Series 01, Trans Keith (Voltron), Underage Masturbation, Vaginal Fingering, Virgin Keith (Voltron), afab language, unable to orgasm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 05:59:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18685537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihonlove/pseuds/nihonlove
Summary: Keith has never been able to have an orgasm for reasons unknown to him. When he and Shiro start taking their relationship to the next level, Keith must think whether to tell him and how.Meanwhile, Shiro just wants to make Keith feel good.AKA: the fic where Keith physically can't orgasm without Shiro because of Galra biology (but he doesn't know that's the reason (yet)).





	Cum What May

**Author's Note:**

> For everyone in my kinky squad who enabled me to write this. You know who you are ❤︎.
> 
> This is the first part of a series where the premise is basically "alien biology and culture letting me explore my kinks in fiction" ;). This time it's obviously orgasm denial.
> 
> Keith thinks he and Shiro are kind of in the between-zone in this fic. He loves him and they kiss and grind but Keith's not sure if they're dating or just friends with benefits.
> 
> There's afab language (clit & cunt/pussy) involved for Keith's bits as a trans man, so if that makes you uncomfortable, perhaps you shouldn't read any further. I realize every trans guy is different with what terms they use for their genitalia; these were just what I chose for this particular fic/character/scenario :).
> 
> Special thanks to mv_lit and MetaAllu for sensitivity reading and meoqie for beta-reading! ❤︎.

Keith has a secret.

Well, honestly, it’s more accurate to say he has many secrets; many things he keeps close to his heart and has never said out loud to another person. They’re tightly locked away with the key tossed somewhere between in foster homes five and six. Keith just doesn’t share things easily. He’s long since learned it’s best for him to keep things to himself. He knows very well by now how easily anyone could use his secrets against him. Even the smallest scrap of information about himself is guarded tightly. Sometimes he even goes as far as to avoid thinking about those things himself.

But this secret, this one is real. A secret with a capital S. The S that stands for more than secret; also stands for the one person in Keith’s life who Keith has felt comfortable and close enough to tell some of his secrets to since his Dad died.

In his life now, Shiro is Keith’s definition between a real secret and information that just generally doesn’t come up easily to him because thinking about sharing it makes him feel cut open and raw, his self brought out to the open judgement of the people around him. But this one is a Secret that Keith has never divulged to anyone and has had no desire to ever do so. This is a Secret that not only makes him feel raw and open, but also extremely humiliated, embarrassed and ashamed. Not to mention it’s not exactly a topic that can be brought up out of the blue, especially not in polite company.

It’s not like it’s such a big deal anyway, Keith always tells himself. It’s never really been a relevant secret to tell. He’s learned to deal with the consequences of his secret over the years. Sure, it means he’s a  _ little _ hypersensitive to any touch, even considering he went through the latter half of his current life with maybe a total of ten hugs. It may mean his underwear is more often a little damp,  _ probably  _ more so than the average person’s. And granted he  _ possibly _ sometimes finds himself tearing up a little in frustration when he’s alone at night, furiously pumping his whole hand in and out of his open and wet ( _ always so wet _ ) cunt. But he can deal. He’s been dealing for years.

But things are different now. For the first time, Keith’s Secret is actually kind of relevant information that he should divulge to someone; to that same someone who knows most of his secrets.

He finally,  _ finally _ got Shiro back after a long year of near-hopelessness mixed with depressive and angry isolation; a desperate search for any sort of answers from anywhere he could find them. Things have slowly been shifting between him and Keith since that cataclysmic return. Shiro crashed back to Earth, back to Keith’s life, like a shooting star and as Keith watched over his rest during that strange night at his shack, he’d known that things weren’t going to be the same. Not just because Shiro looked about ten years older than his actual age, or the fact that his right arm was now a cybernetic prosthesis.

Keith is self-aware enough to know that even when Shiro was just his best friend and mentor at the Garrison, he’d secretly longed for something more from him. He hadn’t even considered making a move back then, because Shiro had Adam  _ and _ because Keith was sure Shiro just saw him as a kid – maybe a little brother at most. He wasn’t even a blip on Shiro’s radar romantically. So Keith had locked away his heart just as he locked away so many things and sides of himself, and made himself content with just being Shiro’s friend. It wasn’t even that hard, all things considered, when such companionship was already so much more than he’d let himself hope for in a long time. As long as Shiro was happy, Keith was happy.

But now he and Shiro were together again, both of them changed forever through their experiences apart. Keith is grown now. He never realized it quite so well as when Shiro woke and looked him up and down in a way he never had before. In a way that Keith doesn’t think  _ anyone _ ever has looked at him. The look gave him shivers, and he had to work hard to not let show how it made molten lava settle in the pit of his stomach; how it made him feel Shiro’s eyes right at his core, and how that feeling made his cunt quiver and grow wet. It had taken all he had to not just give in and kiss Shiro before climbing onto his lap to hump his leg over focusing on the matter at hand.

Seeing that look in Shiro’s eyes made all Keith’s old desires and wants raise their head again, after being put to sleep by the bone-deep sorrow that had come with Shiro being gone. But then again, that was pretty much how it had always been for Keith when it came to Shiro. Shiro had always made him feel something no other person ever could. Keith had almost been confused by all the pamphlets he’d been given at the free clinics when he first transferred from having hormone blockers to getting his first T capsule to give him his regulated hormones implanted into his arm at age fourteen, with all their listed symptoms and side-effects that just about always mentioned increased sex drive. Keith had never noticed anything like that in himself, figuring it was just one of the side-effects that didn’t apply to him, since the pamphlets also said that not all of them would apply to everyone. Up to that point he barely had a libido, and that didn’t really change with the capsule implants either.

No, it was only when he met Takashi Shirogane that Keith’s motor apparently finally started running. Even when Shiro’d come to his school, as much as Keith had tried to look as disinterested as possible in what was going on, it had been impossible for him to ignore Shiro’s good looks – his tall body, his sculpted cheekbones, his golden boy smile. It was even harder to ignore Shiro’s kindness, with him first busting Keith out of juvie after he’d stolen Shiro’s car and then going so far as to take him around the Garrison facilities the next day and  _ talk  _ to him. It was the kind of attention Keith hadn’t had in years and didn’t dare admit he craved. Shiro’s warm, more genuine private smiles, kind eyes and warm, big hands that he placed between Keith’s shoulderblades to guide him stayed with him to the home that night, vivid and more alive than anything Keith had felt since that day when his Dad’s coworkers came to his house, still smelling of smoke, with grim looks on their faces, and his world had fallen apart.

That night, after lights-out, when Keith lay in bed in the room that he shared with nine other boys, his head was still swimming with thoughts of Shiro. The image of him, the phantom feeling of his presence at his side, of his touch at his back made Keith’s cheeks heat up and his skin tingle, and he felt heat he had never experienced before settle in the pit of his stomach. It felt like that heat was pouring out of his cunt, warm and wet, moistening his underwear as his breathing grew shallow and short. That night, for the first time, huddled in hiding beneath his blanket, Keith shyly, hesitantly, stuck his hand down his pants, slowly beginning to run his fingers around his throbbing, wet cunt.

That first time, when he couldn’t seem to reach anything resembling an end point to what he was doing, Keith hadn’t made a big deal of it. It was the first time he was doing anything like this, the first time he’d even had an inclination to do something akin to it. He was unfamiliar with his body and what he liked. What he had done had still felt good, and it had given Keith pleasure to think of Shiro as he touched himself. So despite his lack of completion, Keith had gone to sleep that night content, feeling good, and determined to try again.  


The problem was that nothing changed the second time he tried. Or the third. Or the multiple other times Keith touched himself over the following few months. By that point, he could’ve screamed in frustration over his lack of progress, over how he was constantly on edge, constantly wet and aching between his legs, feeling like a brush of wind would be enough to make him cum…and yet, no matter how much and how many times he tries, he can never get to that point. Even within those months, he’d tried everything he could think of to deal with the problem, reading things in secret on the library computers that left him wet and aching and even more frustrated when they didn’t help, imagined every possible fantasy he could think of, most of which left him practically drooling and too worked up to sleep afterwards, worked and teased himself up for hours under the covers until his hand hurt.

And nothing.

What made Keith’s predicament even worse was that by the time those first months of what he didn’t know would eventually become years of unending frustration were over, Keith had gotten to properly know Shiro. They’d gotten to the point of tentative friendship and with it, Keith’s physical attraction to Shiro had begun to transform into something more solid, something deeper, unrequited as he knew his feelings to be. And it was bad enough that Shiro was so beautiful and so unattainable, always so close and yet just out of Keith’s reach. The last thing Keith needed on top of all that was the inability gain what little relief he could’ve gotten from cumming. Keith didn’t need for his position in Shiro’s life to be like a living metaphor for his orgasms; constantly on edge with occasional feelings of hope that he was getting to where he wanted to be, just needing a little more to be able to reach that long-awaited completion…only to have that feeling fizzle away just before he could truly reach for it.

At his bitterest moments, Keith sometimes wondered when the universe would decide he’d finally gotten enough of whatever due punishment it had apparently decided he deserved. Wasn’t it enough that his Mom had apparently wanted nothing to do with him since he was a baby? That he’d lost his Dad? That he’d had to endure all he had in his series of foster homes before finally being deemed unfit for family life and being sent to the boys’ home? That he’d had to fall in unrequited love with the most unattainable man in the world?

What could he possibly have done that was so bad that he deserved the life of physically enforced orgasm denial on top of all that?

But of course, the universe had the worst ways of surprising him, when it decided that it still wasn’t enough and ripped Shiro away from him, too.

Now, though…now Shiro is back. But Keith can’t really bring himself to be grateful, not when the price of his return was apparently the year of torment he’s suffered and the fact the two of them are now supposed to be the saviors of the universe vaster and in more trouble than they ever could’ve imagined on those nights when they stargazed on the roof of the Garrison and talked about their dreams.

It’s not  _ all _ bad. In some ways, Keith likes having a purpose like this. He’s never had much in where those came from. His life has mostly just been a series of events that have happened to him. He loves Red in ways he can’t quite explain, his relationship to his Lion different to anything else he’s ever experienced. She feels like a parent, a friend and a comrade in arms at the same time, a constant connection and safe falling space at the back of his mind. He’s never experienced flight the way he does with her. In many ways, Keith’s never felt more alive than he does here in space, having reached further corners of it than he ever dreamed of. And he gets to do it with Shiro, even if it’s been through more trouble than he would’ve ever wished.

This brings things back to the way their relationship was changing. The first night at the Castle of Lions, after their first victory against the Galra, after everyone else had retired to their rooms, Shiro had taken a hold of the back of Keith’s head and kissed him for the first time. And since then, between the training and saving the universe and everything else, they’ve started spending time together one-on-one in ways that are a little different from the way they used to be. They’ve kissed a few more times and even made out once or twice in Shiro’s quarters. Shiro hugs him more now, touches his shoulder more.

Keith has been drinking it all in like a dying man, finally gaining some balm for the soul-deep longing for the man he knows he loves. It doesn’t even matter that he’s not sure exactly what they are in terms of their relationship status yet. It’s not like Keith knows how these things work. Aside from the additional gestures between the two of them and the now intimately charged air, nothing much is different. Maybe he and Shiro are friends who kiss sometimes? And hold hands. And occasionally watch the stars on the observation deck when everyone else in the Castle is already asleep. Isn’t that what some people are with each other, too? Friends with benefits?

It doesn’t matter. They don’t have to put a label to whatever it is they have. Anything Shiro is willing to give him, Keith is more than willing to take and give back with as much as he can muster.

The only problem is that with the added  _ benefits  _ between them, as much as they set his heart on fire and soothe his soul, they also make Keith crave that still-elusive orgasm into his life even  _ more _ . Shiro is still so beautiful that it almost hurts to look at him sometimes, and he’s even more muscular now than he was when he left for Kerberos. His Paladin suit leaves little to the imagination and the mere print of his cock in it is enough to make Keith salivate. Now that Shiro is back and in a lot of ways closer to Keith than ever before, Keith’s sex drive seems to have put the pedal to the metal for real. He would’ve hoped that having left the worst of his teen years behind would’ve cooled things down for him a little, but of course it could never be that easy. Because the universe hates Keith and loves to see him suffer.

He’s a Paladin of Voltron now, one of the supposed saviors of the universe. Isn’t that enough to warrant him at least the right to orgasm?

All of this continuously haunts Keith’s mind like waking nightmares. Even where he is now, or perhaps especially here, he can’t escape it.

He’s in Shiro’s bed, and Shiro is on top of him, warm and comforting with his heavy weight. Shiro is just in his t-shirt and boxers, Keith in his pants without his shirt. As Shiro kisses him slow and deep as he gently caresses Keith’s cheeks, neck and hair with his flesh hand, the cool touch of his prosthetic on his bare waist giving Keith goosebumps. Keith has his arms around Shiro’s strong shoulders, feeling the muscles beneath his tight shirt under his hands. He can feel Shiro’s cock, hard against his thigh, his own underwear thoroughly soaked over the mere thought of it, his mouth equally wet against Shiro’s kisses. He loves the way Shiro smells above him, so masculine and pure, like leather and sweat and desert sunsets. He can’t help but wonder if Shiro’s cock would taste just as good as he smells.

If Keith were any other guy, he’s sure he would’ve already found out for himself. There’s no way any man would want to slow down in the chance to have Takashi Shirogane in their mouth. But the truth is, he’s been avoiding getting this close to Shiro for a while now, no matter how much he has actually wanted it for himself. Because he knows Shiro. He’s a giver by nature, and Keith has no doubt that trait extends to the bedroom (he’s had more than a few fantasies along those lines). He’s almost certain that if Shiro knew he can’t orgasm, he’d take it upon himself to try to fix that. And then he’d hate himself – and maybe even Keith – when he’d find out he can’t.

Because Keith knows this is not something that can be fixed. With everything he has tried, with the years he has suffered, there is no faith in him anymore that anything is ever going to change about his condition. There is no fixing his broken cunt. Keith’s just not meant to cum, and that’s something he’s had to learn how to live with.

He’s just not sure if Shiro could do the same if he found out.

As Shiro now sucks on his tongue, creating a slippery, warm and wet feeling in Keith’s mouth he’s never experienced before, he can’t help but groan against Shiro’s lips for more reason than one. He’s so desperate for it, all of it, that he feels like it could burn him up from the inside. It’s always been harder for him to think coherently with Shiro around, let alone when he’s on top of Keith so sweetly like this, his cock so hard against his leg and his kisses so heated and affectionate at the same time. It makes Keith want to just throw caution into the wind and beg Shiro to fuck him, just to feel him. If not for the orgasms, then just so Keith can cross that particular item off his bucket list. It makes him seriously consider just faking it for Shiro, damned be the risks that it might not be very convincing. Would he even know how to fake it? It’s not like he even knows how he’d actually act when he cums.

Shiro gives his tongue a few thorough sucks, ones that Keith does his best to reciprocate through his muddled thoughts, practically clawing at Shiro’s muscular back with his fingernails as he does. Shiro kisses Keith like he is Shiro’s only source of nourishment and warmth after years of cold, isolated loneliness – and Keith realizes that might actually not be very far from the truth, though he tries not to dwell on it – and it makes warmth spread all across Keith’s body. Whatever their relationship is now, being in Shiro’s arms like this never fails to make Keith feel so cherished and wanted. Shiro has always been the only one who can make him feel like this, even when they were just friends without the benefits. It makes it all the harder for Keith to keep a secret from him, to not just give Shiro everything Keith has to give.

Shiro sighs into his mouth, giving him one last deep kiss, before slowly pulling himself back from their locked lips. He doesn’t go far, brushing their noses together as he gazes deep into Keith’s eyes. Shiro’s pupils are blown wide as they look at Keith, leaving his eyes dark like the night sky, so warm with little twinkling stars visible in them as he caresses Keith’s facial features with his left index finger as if to map him out. Keith swallows against the intensity of it all, shivers from the almost ticklish touch on his skin. He feels like he could get lost in those eyes and not mind in the slightest where they would take him.

“Hey,” Shiro says, voice a little hoarse but warm as he moves to brush some of Keith’s dark hair off his face with his fingers. “How are you doing?”

Keith can’t help the snort that escapes him at the question. “I can’t believe you’d even ask. I was sucking on your tongue like five seconds ago.”

“It’s important to talk about these things,” Shiro says, though there is a notable teasing tilt to the corner of his mouth. “Do you wanna keep making out?”

Keith licks his lips, chasing the ghost of Shiro’s taste on them. “Definitely.”

“Is that all you wanna do right now?” Shiro murmurs. He shifts a little, setting his hand down on the pillow next to Keith’s head for balance. It’s probably unintentional, but the movement causes Keith’s leg to nudge against his hard-on, letting him feel it more prominently. Keith can barely suppress a shiver at the feeling, at the weight of it.

He’s sure Shiro can tell he wants more, can see it in Keith’s eyes, can feel it in the way Keith responds to him so openly and eagerly. Shiro would never assume his consent of course, proven by the question he’d just asked. He’s been so good to Keith through all these new things they’ve been doing, talking to Keith about what he likes and is comfortable with, what sorts of terms he prefers for his body, and generally letting Keith take the lead and set the pace for the two of them. Keith knows he’d never pressure him. He could say no and Shiro would accept it, now and forever.

But he wants more.  _ God _ , does he want. He’s wanted since the first time he laid eyes on Shiro, and now he finally has him here, alone and willing. And he wants to give Shiro pleasure too, make him remember that his body is not just a tool or weapon of war. That it can still feel and create good things as well, can be something Shiro can love for himself. But how can he do that when Shiro would surely see he can’t get Keith to where he wants him to be?

It’s as Keith feels Shiro’s cock brush against his leg again, hears the little hiss Shiro gives at the sensation, that he figures it out. Maybe there is another way to do this, at least for now. If nothing else, it could buy him a little more time to figure how to break the news to Shiro. Maybe he can even prove that he’s worth keeping around as a friend with benefits, despite being unable to give Shiro the experience of helping Keith cum. Even if it doesn’t, at least Keith would have the memory of giving Shiro some kind of pleasure to carry with him for the remainder of his days, the memory of having had something of Shiro’s.

After all, Shiro may be a giver, but so is Keith. And if he can play his cards right here…Keith licks his lips again, feeling his mouth water.

“Can I suck your cock?” Keith says, looking Shiro in the eye as he says it. He can almost taste Shiro’s musky smell in his mouth with the focused desire he feels course inside himself, the ghost of the imagined feeling of his dick settling on his lips, almost shivering with how much he wants it.

“O-oh?” Shiro blinks once before his eyes grow wide and his cheeks flush. It’s terribly adorable. It’s a little strange to see Shiro so bashful at Keith’s request, given how eager Shiro was in his earlier manner of kissing him – and how Keith is supposed to be the virgin between the two of them. But Keith wouldn’t trade the sight of it for anything, the privilege that he gets to see him like that now, gets to experience this side of Shiro in private for himself.

Shiro swallows hard, before he says, his voice coming out slightly cracked, “Y-you want to?”

“I think about it all the time,” Keith admits and it’s not even a lie. He watches Shiro swallow again, follows the line of his blush down to his throat, drawing confidence and satisfaction from it to keep going. “I stare at your cock in your pants and your uniform and just think about what it would taste like.”

Shiro takes in a deep suction of breath, his cheeks turning an even darker shade of red as he brings his prosthetic hand to cover the lower half of his face. “Fuck, Keith…”

“I think about your cock so much I can sometimes barely concentrate on anything else,” Keith continues, words flowing out of him without thought or effort. The words cause such vivid images in his mind, the thousand different scenarios imagined flashing before his eyes. He feels more slick dripping down into his underwear, his breath growing heavy, his own cheeks tingling with blood. “I want it so bad.”

Shiro’s eyes slip shut, more air from his mouth brushing against his hand, creating a sound almost akin to a whistle. “Oh, baby…” he murmurs through his fingers.

Keith suppresses a shiver. It never fails to rouse a reaction from him when Shiro calls him by that particular endearment. He dreamed of it for years, of Shiro touching him and calling him good and amazing and first and foremost  _ his _ . He’d blushed to himself at the thought of calling Shiro ‘Takashi’ in return, the way he’d used to hear Adam do. Keith hasn’t done that yet, uncertain of how Shiro would take it; if they’re really there yet in their relationship. But even hearing Shiro talk to him like this is more than Keith even dared to hope, not even so long ago.

“So can I?” Keith asks breathlessly, anticipation swirling in the pit of his stomach.

Shiro opens his eyes, looking down at Keith with them again, wanting but kind; the very epitome of the man Keith loves with everything he has. “…Have you ever done anything like that before?”

It’s Keith’s turn to blush. Suddenly, the intensity of Shiro’s eyes becomes too much, and he can’t help but look away to his side instead. He’s pretty sure Shiro knows the truth even without asking, and Keith’s not sure if he’d prefer the reality or the lie. Doesn’t know why he’s asking Keith this now. It makes his heart pound in a much less pleasant way than it did just mere seconds ago.

Still, even without his less than great skills as a liar, Keith’s never actually liked lying to Shiro. It always felt like Shiro could see right through him and the disappointed, sad and soft look he’d give Keith made him crack under pressure every single time. Keith always used to think that torture had nothing on the earnest puppy dog look on Takashi Shirogane’s face when it came to getting answers out of someone.

That hasn’t changed now, either. If anything, the need to be honest with Shiro, to be  _ good  _ for him, is even stronger in Keith with their somewhat changed relationship status into…whatever this is that they currently are.

And so, with eyes still facing the wall, his face burning and his heart in his throat, Keith lets out a quiet, soft, “…No.”

Shiro lowers his metal hand from his face to balancing himself, Keith following the movements with his eyes as Shiro shifts the flesh hand next to Keith’s head to cradle the side of his face instead, stroking his thumb over his cheek. “Baby…are you sure?” he murmurs. “For your first…I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Keith says, voice empowered by the conviction he knows to his bones, the confidence of it giving him the courage to meet Shiro’s concerned, soft eyes again. He wraps his fingers around Shiro’s wrist by his face for good measure. “You would never hurt me.”

“I might. Accidentally,” Shiro says, his cheeks turning redder as he averts his eyes. “It’s…it’s not exactly…”

Keith swallows, licking his lips, his cunt pulsing in his underwear, on the knife’s edge of painful arousal. “I know.”

“You’ve only seen it limp. You would be surprised.”

“Well, I can feel it now,” Keith says, tilting the corner of his mouth up in a sly smile as he lifts his leg, gently humping Shiro’s cock through his boxer shorts.

Shiro hisses through clenched teeth at the sensation. “It’s not that simple to give someone head, Keith.”

“Well, how am I supposed to ever learn if I don’t try?” Keith breathes out, a little bit of anger flaring up, mixing with the burning desire inside of him. He just wants for something to finally happen. He’s waited long enough for this. “I can do it slow.”

“You never do anything slow,” Shiro huffs, though he sounds fond.

“You could guide me through it,” Keith says, and has to swallow immediately afterwards for the way the very thought causes his mouth to go dry. He can barely imagine anything hotter. Shiro above him, telling him to how to best please him, stroking his hair and telling him he’s good, calling him  _ baby _ …

“Maybe some other time,” Shiro says, stroking Keith’s cheek again. “I just wanna make you feel good right now.” He leans down and presses a kiss to Keith’s mouth, soft and sweet. “You’ve been through so much, Keith. I may never be able to turn it all around, to make up for all the pain…but I can at least try.”

The earnest tone in Shiro’s voice makes Keith’s heart skip a beat, but before he can start arguing about who has been through more between the two of them, Shiro shifts to lean down to the side so his lips almost touch Keith’s ear as he whispers, “Let me lick your cunt.”

This time, Keith can’t even begin to suppress the shiver that runs through his spine, or the sudden breath he takes in, his cunt pulsing as slick gushes out, soaking his underwear even further.

“Seems you like that idea,” Shiro murmurs and Keith swallows at how alluring his smug tone sounds, how his voice makes him shudder with the vibrations he feels against his ear. This side of him is such a shift from Shiro’s earlier shyness and yet Keith can’t even begin to complain, loving each and all sides of Shiro’s bedroom persona as they are revealed to him one by one.

Shiro begins moving his hand on Keith’s face, caressing his long fingers down his neck, ticklish and promising; down Keith’s chest until Shiro settles the hand on his belly, just at the hemline of his pants. “You said you’ve been thinking about my cock? I’ve been thinking about your pussy.” Keith’s breath hitches as Shiro slips the calloused tip of his index finger inside the hemline of his pants and underwear, caressing his lower stomach, his hip bones. “I’ve been thinking about how you’d taste like…what kind of noises you’d make as I’d take you apart.”

“Shiro…” Keith groans, but it comes out more like a whine.

“Wanna try it, baby? I promise I’ll make it good for you.”

Keith almost forgets himself. Almost lets out the desperate ‘yes’ he feels down to his very bones, the desire of how much he wants any and all parts of Shiro he’s willing to give with such desperation that it’s almost an ache at his core.

But as soon as the thought of it makes it past his hindbrain, the reality of what saying that would mean fills his mind again. Shiro can lick his cunt for all his worth, can lap it for hours and use any and all tricks he may have…and it won’t make a difference. And he’d feel less than capable again, might think himself unable to give Keith pleasure with his body; might think himself really no better than the weapon the Galra tried to make of him.

Keith can’t let that happen.

“I could make it good for you too,” Keith says, raising an arm to wrap around Shiro’s shoulder, burying his hand in his buzzed hair, lightly scratching his scalp with his nails. He feels Shiro shiver for it against him and he delights in it, draws upon the confidence that he doesn’t really feel, that maybe he  _ can  _ be alluring and sexy and desirable from it. “You can do whatever you want with my mouth. I’ll do anything you want.”

“What I want is to taste  _ you _ ,” Shiro says, lowering his lips from the tip of Keith’s ear down to kiss and nibble at his throat as if to demonstrate his point. Keith lets out a shaky breath at the sensation as Shiro runs the finger at the hemline of Keith’s pants horizontally across his lower abdomen. His finger is big and long enough that he just manages to brush the top of Keith’s clit with the tip of it, sending little trills of pleasure down his spine.

“You’re so wet already, aren’t you?” Shiro murmurs into Keith’s neck as he lowers his finger just enough to properly touch his clit, light and teasing. All of it causes Keith to tremble, more than enough when added to his years of denial to make start him climbing towards the orgasm that he knows will never really come, heat pooling at the pit of his stomach. “I wanna lick up every drop of you.”

As if to demonstrate, Shiro removes his finger from Keith’s underwear, brings it up to his mouth and sucks the dewy residue off the tip. He lets out a low moan at the taste, as if Keith’s slick really just tastes that good. Keith swears his face must be flaming by now, the sight of Shiro’s actions enough to make his cunt pulse.

“You taste so sweet,” Shiro murmurs, leaning down to kiss Keith again, sucking Keith’s tongue into his mouth. “How strange. Never tasted a pussy like this.”

Keith feels dizzy with heat and pleasure, with Shiro’s words and the way he sucks on Keith’s tongue, caressing it with his own. It’s not difficult to imagine what that tongue would feel like against his pussy, lavishing Keith’s other lips with attention like it does his mouth now. The thought almost makes him squirm beneath Shiro. He’s so close to coming he could cry, feeling like just a brush of Shiro’s lips on his cunt would be enough to undo him, even when he intellectually knows that’s not the case.

Still, his head growing so hazy with arousal, Keith finds it harder and harder to remember why exactly he should argue against just letting Shiro go down on him. He can’t help but whine against Shiro’s mouth a little, a part of him just wanting to hump Shiro’s leg just to be able to chase  _ some  _ sort of pleasure for himself, no matter how futile his efforts will turn out to be.

Shiro kisses him especially deep before pulling his mouth back from Keith’s, meeting his eyes head-on. “How about it, baby?”

“Shiro…” Keith murmurs, his voice a little raspy from emotion and kisses, his eyes burning a little with desperation. He can’t imagine the mess he looks, desire and heat and  _ want  _ probably written all over his face. Not wanting Shiro to see, he averts his eyes to his side once more, licking his lips as he tries to clear his head at least a bit. “I don’t think you should.”

“Baby,” Shiro says, and the endearment comes out so concerned that Keith has no choice but to turn to look at him, just in time for Shiro to gently cradle his face and neck again. “Of course I won’t do it if you really don’t want me to. I’m sorry.”

“No!” Keith rushes to say, raising own free hand to cradle the side of Shiro’s face, stroking his short hair with the other hand affectionately, gently. “That’s not it, I just…”

Shiro shifts above him, moves off from on top of Keith to sit up properly on the bed. Keith lets him go, allowing his arms and hands to fall away from Shiro, even as he immediately misses his warmth, his comforting weight. But it’s probably for the best for them to have this conversation with some proper clarity of mind, and that is best achieved if they’re not completely attached at the hip, their minds not so clouded with the looming idea of sex.

So, Keith follows Shiro’s example, sitting up beside him, removing his legs from beneath him. He moves to take a hold of Shiro’s hand though, just in case, just to show he hasn’t done anything wrong, that Keith doesn’t think any less of him or fear him any way. But Keith also knows deep down that now that they’ve gotten to this point, the only way to really convince Shiro of that is to tell him the truth. Tell him what’s really bothering Keith. Even if Keith’s not sure whatever fragile thing they have now can survive it. Even if that might break him.

“Keith,” Shiro starts, squeezing his hand and bringing Keith out of his thoughts with a blink. Keith looks up at Shiro. “If you wanna take things slower…”

“It’s not that,” Keith rushes to say. “Shiro, I meant what I said. I think about sex with you all the damn time.”

“That’s not the same thing as being ready for it,” Shiro says. “If I’ve pushed you somehow…”

“You really haven’t,” Keith says, squeezing Shiro’s hand in return. “I want this, Shiro, I want you, it’s just…” he bites his lip, trying to force the words to come out.

“Keith?” Shiro murmurs, peering in on his face with a raised eyebrow. “What is-?”

“I can’t fucking cum!” Keith cries out, and it’s out of sheer force of will and the clench of his teeth that a few tears don’t slip out, with the way his eyes are stinging. He returns to chewing his lip immediately after letting the words out, just in case, swallowing around the tightness in his throat. He can’t look Shiro in the eye.

“What?” Shiro gasps, and the word comes out sounding like a laugh of disbelief.

Keith swallows again, trying to compose himself, trying to hold back his tears, his anxieties. “I’ve never been able to have an orgasm, okay?”

He can see Shiro blinking rapidly from the corner of his eye, can feel Shiro’s eyes searching his face, probably still wondering if this is some kind of an elaborate joke. Keith just feels like the joke is his whole life.

“You’re serious,” Shiro says in a breath. “But surely you must’ve…?”

“I’ve tried fucking everything I can think of,” Keith huffs out, digging his fingers into his thighs just for the distraction the mild pain it causes him. “I know what I like, I’m intimately familiar with my body by now, but nothing works. The closest I can get to is the climb, but I never make it over the peak.” He lets out a breath, but a pathetic mix of something resembling a sob enters it. “I’m  _ broken _ , Shiro.”

“Keith,” Shiro says, and his sudden serious tone surprises Keith. “Keith, baby, look at me.”

Keith bites his lip, takes in a breath to steel himself, and slowly raises his eyes to face Shiro once more. He has a serious, but empathetic, look on his face. It reminds Keith a lot of all the other times he used to say something bad about himself, when Shiro would talk him out of his negative thoughts and made him believe in himself once more; that he was worth something and that there was always room for improvement after mistakes rather than doomed failure.

Shiro lets go of his hand, moving to take a hold of Keith’s face between both of his palms, cradling his neck with his fingers. His hands are warm on Keith’s skin, comforting and strong. If the situation wasn’t so dire, Keith might spare a thought to admire how big they really are in comparison to his own…everything.

“You’re not broken,” Shiro says in a low tone, looking Keith straight in the eyes, brows furrowed in a serious frown. And Keith wants to believe him, wants to trust in Shiro’s words like he would if it was about anything else. But this is the one thing he can’t summon up faith for, no matter how much he tries. He’s been burnt too many times by now.

“Keith,” Shiro says after a moment’s pause, seeming to realize Keith’s not going to say anything. “Talk to me, please.”

Keith forces himself to shrug. “It is just what it is,” he says. “I can jerk off as much as I want to – or don’t want to – and nothing ever comes of it except wet sheets and added frustration.”

Shiro licks his lips, cheeks flushing a little, but he presses on, “Have you ever talked about it with anyone?”

Keith snorts. “Who would I talk to?”

Shiro lets out a sigh. “Yeah, I guess that was a dumb question, knowing you,” he says. “And you haven’t tried to do something about it with a partner either?”

Keith takes his own turn to sigh, before he looks Shiro deep in the eyes. He knows where this is going. It was always inevitable. “Shiro, this is not something you can fix,” he says, soft and almost apologetic. “I’ve tried. For years. It’s not gonna be any different with you.”

“How can you know?” Shiro says, and a bit of flame settles itself in his eyes, the corner of his mouth lifting up slightly, and Keith has to swallow around his suddenly dry throat. Shiro is always so especially sexy when he’s determined before a challenge like this. “You’ve never attempted with a partner.”

Keith sighs again. Even newly aroused by Shiro’s unwillingness to give up, he can’t let himself get distracted again. “Shiro, it’s just gonna result in more frustration than it’s worth for the both of us,” he says. “It’s best if you don’t try.”

“Keith…”

“I can live without orgasms,” Keith hurries to continue. “I have lived without them up until now. I can keep doing it.”

What he really wants to say next would be something that would be far too much and all too sappy like  _ what I can’t live without is you _ . But that would be placing expectations on whatever this is that he and Shiro have now. Keith promised himself when he let himself get involved in it with the man he loves that he wouldn’t let himself have any expectations or hopes to spare himself and Shiro both.

Instead, he says, “What you need to do is decide if _ you _ can live with that.”

Shiro says nothing. He just keeps staring into Keith’s eyes, that determined flame still alive in his own, lighting them up like stars in a night sky. Keith swallows again, but this time it’s around a lump starting to form in his throat. He’s just about ready to start begging for Shiro to stay, to tell him they can still have sex, that Keith will do everything Shiro wants him to do if he’ll just stay, when Shiro says, “Can I kiss you?”

Keith blinks, completely thrown off. “What?”

“Can I kiss you?” Shiro repeats, his expression not even flinching in change.

Keith lets out a short, relieved breath. As if he’d ever deny Shiro anything, and especially not that. “Yeah.”

Shiro doesn’t hesitate any longer than it takes for him to hear the word, practically leaping to pull Keith close to his body again and press their lips together, shoving his tongue into Keith’s mouth. Keith whines against the feeling of it, taking and devouring everything Shiro has to give, kisses him back with as much fervor as he can muster against Shiro’s passion, so grateful that he didn’t have to lose this because of his stupid broken cunt.

Shiro smooths his big hands down Keith’s sides, caressing his bare skin. It makes Keith break out in goosebumps. He holds onto Shiro tight, grasping at the back of his shirt with his nails again to feel him and to have him close. Shiro’s hands travel down Keith’s sides, his back, fingertips entering beneath the hemline of Keith’s pants, feeling the muscle of his ass, squeezing.

Shiro removes his lips from Keith’s, only to move to suck bruises beneath his ear, at that spot that always makes Keith feel weak at the knees, sends him letting out a breath.

“Is this okay?” Shiro murmurs into his skin, causing Keith to shiver with the vibrations.

“Yeah,” Keith says again, nodding against Shiro’s head.

Shiro begins kissing down his neck, down his shoulder, and then down his chest. Keith caresses his back and neck as far as he can reach as as Shiro moves one of his hands from his ass to his front.

“Can I take your pants off?” Shiro asks against Keith’s chest, just close enough to his right nipple that Keith can feel his breath on it.

“Yeah,” he answers, a little breathless and with that word apparently all he’s capable of saying, as Shiro uses his flesh hand to flip open the button on Keith’s pants and pull down his zipper, raising his hips with his Galra hand under his ass so that he can slip them off Keith’s legs. He presses little butterfly kisses to his chest in the meantime, leaving Keith in just his underwear, almost soaked through at the front.

Shiro begins kissing his chest more earnestly, altering between each of Keith’s nipples. Keith’s breathing begins to grow labored, and he arches his back to give Shiro more access, to push his nipples into Shiro’s mouth. Keith feels almost like he’s outside of his body, his frame moving of its own volition like a marionette on strings. He knows this stimulation won’t lead to anything for him, but he still can’t help but reach for it when it’s offered. Shiro’s lips and the slight scrape of his teeth feel so good, sending little shocks of pleasure running through his body. Keith’s breaths become shaky and his cunt pulses to their beat.

“Sh-Shiro,” he murmurs through the sensation.

Shiro pauses in his ministrations, staring up at Keith with those determined eyes. “Yeah?”

“I know what you’re –  _ hah _ – trying to do,” Keith says, unable to get it out in one breath. “It’s not gonna work.”

“We won’t know until we try,” Shiro mumbles against Keith’s nipple. “So let me try, okay?”

Keith lets out a shaky breath, rolling his eyes. He knows how Shiro gets when he has that look in his eyes. It’s the face of a man who won’t accept defeat until he’s been beat to hell at least three times by trying. It’s that determination that got Shiro through everything life has thrown at him alive and victorious. It’s what makes him such a great leader. Keith knows he should tell Shiro no, to spare the both of them the disappointment. But he also can’t deny how much that look makes fire course through his veins to burn at the pit of his stomach. He can never deny how much he wants Shiro. And maybe if he plays his cards right, he can at least give Shiro some pleasure from this, if nothing else.

“Okay,” Keith lets out. “But you have to promise me something. If nothing happens, it’s not on you. So don’t blame yourself. And don’t let this grow into some sort of a big deal in your head. Let it go after this.” He knows those are pretty tall orders to give Shiro, but the only way he can proceed with this is if they’re out in the open.

Shiro licks his lips, frowning for a bit before he says, “Fine.”

Keith blinks. “Yeah?”

“Baby, I’ve never lied to you. I’m not gonna start now,” Shiro says, adding a bit of a smile to convince him further. “But that means I’m gonna do my very best now.”

Keith swallows. “O-okay.”

Shiro gives him another smile, before proceeding with Keith’s nipples, giving them a few gentle kisses before moving onto proper licking and sucking.

“Just relax,” Shiro murmurs, rubbing his hands up and down Keith’s back. “You’re tense as a wire. Don’t think about anything, just enjoy yourself.”

Keith resists the urge to roll his eyes again just as Shiro begins kissing him down further and further on his body, gently laying him back down on the bed. Keith meets his eyes across his torso and can’t help but blush at the heated look Shiro gives him. His hands trail further and further up Shiro’s body as he moves down, eventually settling in his hair. Keith runs his fingers through it; through the thicker strands at the top, caressing the buzz of his undercut, playing with the white forelock as Shiro’s lips reach the hemline of his underwear.

“I’m gonna ask you again now,” Shiro says, glancing up at Keith. The look in his eyes makes his heart skip a beat. “Can I lick your cunt?”

Keith swallows, licks his lips. “Y-yeah, okay.”

Shiro gives him an almost smug smirk as he moves to take off Keith’s underwear. Keith lifts his waist up enough to ease the way, letting Shiro slip them down his waist and allowing him to take his first peek at Keith’s most private, intimate parts.

Shiro licks his lips. “Your cunt is so pretty, baby,” he says as he begins sliding the underwear further down Keith’s legs, never taking his eyes off his pussy.

Keith’s ears are ringing, they’re so red and he’s so turned on. He can feel his lower lips twitch, as if they know they’re being observed. “You don’t have to say that,” he mumbles, not quite able to bring himself to meet Shiro’s gaze, even as Shiro brings his underwear low enough on his legs that Keith can kick them off completely.

“I’m saying it because it’s true,” Shiro says, settling himself between Keith’s legs, bringing his knees up on his shoulders with a kiss so sweet it can only be described as teasing to the left one. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pussy this cute.”

He reaches his left hand out, index finger pointed, and Keith braces himself as Shiro places it on his engorged clit. It’s just a ghost of a touch, but it’s enough to make him twitch again. Shiro gives him a smirk. “Does this pussy like it when I talk about it? When I look at it?” He begins moving his finger, and Keith lets out a gasp, then a whine, unable to stop his back from arching with pleasure again. He’s so turned on that his cunt really hurts a little now, the pulsing of it growing stronger and stronger with each gentle motion of Shiro’s calloused finger. “When I touch it?”

“Sh-Shiro…” Keith whines, embarrassed of the way his voice grows high and raspy, unable to properly even say or do anything except try and get more friction from Shiro’s finger, chasing that pleasure. But Shiro has a tight grip on his left leg with his right arm wrapped around it, and Keith is helpless to do anything but take what Shiro willingly gives him. And all that does is turn him on even more.

“You’re so wet, baby,” Shiro murmurs, beginning to press kisses on his leg, working his way up it towards Keith’s cunt. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt a pussy this wet. And you just keep getting wetter.” His breath tickles the skin of Keith’s leg. “You’re incredible.”

Keith manages a snort. “Years of forced orgasm denial will do that to you.”

“Is that so?” Shiro says, and there is a dangerous edge to his smile, pausing in his teasing ministrations on Keith’s clit. “Maybe I should just keep you like this after all. Keep you all wet and desperate and wanting. Your cunt so hungry it’s purple with it.”

“No!” Keith cries, raising his head a little, searching Shiro’s face. “No, please, no…!”

Shiro presses another kiss to his inner thigh, this one deeper, just shy of a suction. “Do you wanna cum, baby?”

“Yes!” Keith cries, a little embarrassed by how desperate he must sound, must look, with the way he has actual tears in his eyes. “I wanna cum, Shiro! Please let me cum!”

Shiro kisses him where his leg meets the rest of his body, just barely outside of his cunt. “Good boy,” he murmurs. “I’m gonna make sure you cum.”

He moves his finger down to Keith’s folds, gently starting to rub them around in circles, and instead moves to press his tongue on Keith’s clit, licking him in an upwards motion. And suddenly, Keith is blinded with pleasure. It washes over him like a wave, leaving nothing in his mind but the sensation of it. It’s so intense it aches, his whole body tensing up, his cunt pulsing as he lets out a scream he has no way of muffling, his cunt wetter than ever as it releases, making Keith feel like his strings have been cut, falling completely loose and mindless like a marionette.

“…Baby?” he hears after a beat of nothing but white noise in his ears. “Keith, did you just…?”

Keith feels numb with pleasure, barely able to comprehend what the voice in the distance is saying. All he can do is just lay here. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this loose and relaxed, almost like he’s floating.

“Keith,” he hears that voice again, can vaguely feel someone taking a hold of his hand. “Baby, squeeze for me once if you’re okay, if you can hear me.”

The voice is kind, and sounds worried. Keith should probably do as it says. He squeezes the hand holding his.

“Good boy,” the voice says, and Keith feels a warm weight settle next to him, shifting on the bed. “That’s good.”

Keith lets out a deep breath, and closes his eyes.

…

When Keith wakes up, it is to the feeling of someone petting his hair and stroking his arm. The warm weight at his side is comforting, more so than the blanket he can feel on his bare skin.

It is the realization that he’s bare that causes him to slam awake with a gasp.

“Hey,” Shiro’s voice says and Keith quickly turns to look at him where he’s resting on his side with a happy smile on his lips. “How are you feeling?”

“How…” Keith croaks, before clearing his throat. “How did you do that?!”

“So you did cum, then?” Shiro says and Keith hates the smug lilt in his grin. “And I barely had to touch you, too. I didn’t even get to the best part.”

“Shut up,” Keith huffs, lightly punching Shiro in the arm. “I don’t get it! I jerk off for years with nothing and you barely touch me and get me there?!”

“You may have been focusing on the orgasm a bit too much,” Shiro says, now sounding more sympathetic, softer, but at the same time like the nerd Keith loves who surely learned how to have sex from manuals. “You just needed to relax. To just let yourself feel it.” He shifts to press a kiss to Keith’s bare shoulder. “Besides, isn’t the most important thing that you got there?”

Keith lets out a huff of breath, settling back down beside Shiro on the bed. “I guess so,” he says, meeting Shiro’s eyes across from him. “But what if this was just a fluke? What if it never happens again?”

“Then I’ll take you out of your head again, and make sure it does,” Shiro says, leaning over to press a kiss to Keith’s nose. “Anytime you want me, I’ll be here, okay? I’ll help you get where you need to be.”

Keith swallows, feeling his cheeks starting to heat up. He bites his lip, averting his eyes from Shiro, feeling his cunt quiver where it lays bare beneath the blanket.

“Really?” Shiro says, and Keith can hear the smugness in his voice again, mixing in with amused laughter. “So soon?”

Keith can feel his blush deepen. “Quit it!” he says. “You’ve had orgasms all your life. I’ve just had the one after literally  _ years _ of denial.” He pauses. “And you did say you barely did anything. I didn’t get to enjoy the full experience.”

“Well, then,” Shiro says, moving to slip the blanket off Keith’s bare body, making him shiver with the sudden cool air hitting him. He can feel his nipples perking up with it, wonders if Shiro can see it as he gets back on top of Keith, that hungry, determined glint back again in his eyes. “Let me make it up to you.


End file.
